First off, I’m not saying Joe Jackson made it okay but fact that the song became extremely popular among the drinking and the videoke set tells me that “mistress-hood” has gained legitimacy as a topic which you can be upfront about.
\”Would You Be My NUmber Two by Joe Jackson\” – I looked it up in Wikipedia. Nothing. I didn’t even see it listed among his individual hits. Yet, thanks to one of his YouTube fans, I learned that the song (from his 1984 album “Body and Soul”) was actually a hit – sort of – reaching the #70 spot…in the U.K. Here, though, I think it hit the roof.
Why the appeal? Perhaps it has something to do with the singer’s direct demeanor in making his offer – somehow coming off as a romantic gesture.
For me, it’s fluff. It’s not my style. I’m kind of (read: I AM) cynical about it. I’d never want to be in a situation where I was either at the giving or the receiving end of a similar offer. I’d never want to be known as “Number Two” knowing that the previous one before me will always be known as “Number One”. And I’d consider it suspect when (if I were at the receiving end) the previous boyfriend was still referred to as “Number One” – I mean, what’s going on with that nomenclature – that closure is still a vista in the horizon? I’d sooner not know.
Even though it’s not something I would consider being a part of, I am not immune from exposure to it. They’re known as friends-in-need of advice.
Consider the following exchanges of SMS’.
Mistress-In-Waiting (MIW): Ate naloloka ako.
Wannabe Scrivener (WS) : Why???
MIW: Busy kb?
WS: Ok lang..
MIW: Remember the guy I mentioned last week?
MIW: Di ba, I told you last week that I met a guy who certified me as a bottom?
WS: Don’t even go there…
MIW: Well, we’re kinda exploring the idea of me as a 3rd party..
WS: Rule #1 for threesomes…the third party should have had no prior emotional or physical links with the couple.
MIW: Hay naku, I know, but we kinda like the company.
WS: Hey, it’s your choice…and it seems you’ve already made up your mind
MIW: So should I just say “the sex was great but I thin it has to end here.”
WS: “Sex was great but threesomes are not my scene…” If you have apprehensions about doing it in the first place then there might be a problem..
MIW: Naguguluhan lang ako. I enjoy his company, pero takot ako sa karma.
WS: Kaya nga…you’ve been there before – do you really wanna go there again??
MIW: Mare, you might have read me wrong, gusto niya akong gawing querida.
MIW: Why do I always find myself being the 3rd wheel?
WS: Just say “No thanks” – you’re better than that…and you know better than anyone, right, what’s it like to be the third wheel?
MIW: Kakaloka naman lovelife ko..
WS: Neng, learn to distinguish between your lovelife and your sex life…can you really talk about someone as being a part of your lovelife kung one week mo pa lang siya kilala and he wants you to be his querida??? He’s an asshole – dump him at the nearest trash bin.
MIW: Fuck bud kaya? Hi hi hi
WS: Pwede rin as long as you know your position in the equation.
MIW: Kaya lang feeling ko if we keep this as a physical thing, I will never find the fulfillment I yearn for.
WS: You know what you want…go for it even if it means you have to sacrifice some other thing important to you.
MIW: Why does it have to be about sex?
WS: It doesn’t have to be…except we’re human and men – as humans, we have needs; as men, we’re wired to identify sex as one of our needs…
I wasn’t sure if I gave him all the right answers or even if the answers I gave were the ones he wanted to hear from me. I do hope that even as he searches for his answers to his Joe Jackson dilemma, he’ll always know that his friends will always be willing to listen and he’ll never have to sing All By Myself.